There is ample evidence that nicotine does cause an increase in metabolism, and smoking cigarettes may act as an appetite suppressant. The main reason, though, that we tend to associate smoking with weight loss is that people who quit smoking often report gaining some weight. But addiction specialists point out that this is simply because, at first, many ex-smokers use food as a substitute for cigarettes. And, of course, any significant increase in caloric intake without some commensurate calorie-burning exercise will probably result in some added poundage.

But let’s be serious here. Even if cigarettes were a remarkably effective appetite suppressant-which they are NOT-the dangers of smoking are so catastrophic that only someone with a powerful death wish would actually smoke to lose weight. But maybe fatal lung cancer or emphysema is worth it, considering that morticians are wizards at extreme makeovers, and that embalming fluid does give you a nice sort of glow…