So you sneak downstairs to get a glimpse of Santa scarfing the cookies and milk you so lovingly left for him. Instead, you see an empty plate and glass, and you hear a groaning coming from behind the half-closed door of the powder room. You approach the room and peek in … There’s Santa, his red pants at his knees. He look up, grimacing, and says, “That wasn’t soy milk, was it? I just found out I’m lactose intolerant.”
Lactose intolerance is the inability to digest lactose, the primary sugar found in milk. Lactose intolerance is caused by a shortage of the enzyme lactase that breaks down milk sugar into two simpler forms of sugar called glucose and galactose. Common symptoms of lactose intolerance include nausea, cramps, bloating, gas, and diarrhea.
Were our fanciful scenario true and Santa did develop a serious lactose intolerance and subsequent gastrointestinal upset, children of the world need not worry. Lactase enzyme is available over the counter to help people digest dairy products. Lactose reduced products can also be found today at most supermarkets and grocery stores. Other options include soy milk and rice milk. And some dairy products are naturally low in lactose, like Swiss cheese and cottage cheese.
So you cold always just leave Santa a plate of Swiss cheese. Believe me, he’ll eat it.
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"What if Santa were lactose intolerant?" was posted on Wednesday, May 7th, 2008 at 9:23 pm.